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CFDS Episode 016: From Wounded to Warrior

Jessica's story and libido booster

Jessica Louise Li shares how she went from being in an abusive marriage to creating a legacy with a new love of her life using what she calls the path of Sensational Sex.

And at the end of this episode I’ll share with you a little food that I bet you don’t know is a powerful libido booster – as well as another food that you definitely want to avoid, because it acts like a cold shower of toxicity!

Our guest, Jessica Louise Li

I am very excited to be joined here today by Jessica Louise Li. Jessica is a former raw food chef who now teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. Now I don’t know about you, but that alone would get me very excited. But she’s got a lot more to share with us today, so let’s get started!

Me: So Jess welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I’m super excited to have you here!

Jess: Yes, thank you for having me. I’m looking forward to those tips you have at the end.

Me: Yeah, let’s see how that turns out! We’ll see if you know them – including the toxic one.

I’m really glad we’re able to do this because we’ve known each other for quite a while.

So I already know your story, but I love it and I think it’s quite a powerful one. You went from such a place of hardship to a place of lightness and joy. I think people will be very inspired to know how you went from one to the other, and what it was like for you.

I know that for a while you had a bit of a rough time because you were in a bit of an abusive relationship. Do you want to say a little bit about that? Because I think that’s where your story starts, if I’m not mistaken?

Jess: Yeah definitely.

Jessica’s story

So I was married for 10 years – I mean it was 14 years in the long run. But it was 10 years into the marriage where things started to accumulate more and more.

An abusive marriage from day 1

It always…from day 1 it was mentally abusive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive…There were 5 times when he put his hands on me and of course as we know, one time is more than enough.

It wasn’t until almost 10 years into the marriage where he had actually tried to take my life.

My husband had actually tried to kill me as my 3 children were sleeping upstairs.

Me: Oh my God, how old were your children?

Jess: They were 7, 9 and 11…or actually no, that was 2010…The kids are 2 years apart so they were 3, 5 and 7.

Me: Wow.

Jess: They were really young.

And I know that’s the hard run of the story, but…I want to share it like that because that’s an experience. As dramatic and as crazy and wild as it may seem to some people, it’s something that I happened to experience in life. But I know that that doesn’t define me.

A journey too

It’s really the journey of what I experienced back then to what I am now. And that’s what I’m really here for, it’s the inspiration, it’s the whole picture. It’s not just that one incident.

Me: Exactly. If people were to look at your life now, when people see what you’re doing now, it’s amazing. I know that you’ll say a bit more about that later but it’s kind of hard to imagine that you started from that kind of place.

Jess: Yeah, totally. I guess that’s a testament to how far I’ve come. It was something that was really horrifying and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone for sure.

Married to a killer (literally)

But here’s the thing: when I was in that relationship, I knew that it was wrong. Deep down I knew that I shouldn’t be in there. But the thing is that I was living in so much fear, and I didn’t feel like I had the resources to be able to leave him.

On top of that he was someone who was involved with the gangs, so I was in fear of him having someone follow me. Or, you know, because he was in that lifestyle, he had no qualms about coming after me or trying to kill me.

Like when he said he was going to kill me, I like 100% believed him.

Me: Wow.

Jess: Because he had killed people before. And I can say that freely now only because he passed away. He died suddenly 3 years ago, it’s been almost three years now.

Living in fear

One of the biggest secrets that I couldn’t tell – and I think even when I met you, I couldn’t say my whole story. So maybe it’s perfect timing now that we’re doing this interview!

There’s only so many details that I could say, right? It’s not about ratting him out or like trying to show off, even if you’d consider that showing off. But it’s to highlight that I was living in so much fear that every night I knew that I was laying in the arms of someone that has killed before.

People ask me, “Why didn’t you leave earlier?” A lot of people say that about abused women, ‘why do you stay’ or ‘I don’t get why you’re still with him’. And I think it’s not until or unless you’re in that situation that you really understand why a woman stays.

Like I said, of course I knew it was a bad thing. As my kids were growing up, I knew that I didn’t want my daughter to see that it was OK for a man to hit her and for her to go back. And vice-versa, I didn’t want my son to think it was OK for him to put his hands on a woman and then she comes back and all is great.

So I had to be mindful of that. When they were younger there was so much that I could get away with, but as they got older they started to mimic certain behaviours. They started to see my ruses, they started to ask “Why does Mommy have a black eye?”

The turning point

It just got to the point where you know what? This was enough. And yeah, unfortunately it got to the night where he attacked me and tried to kill me.

Me: And was that the turning point?

Jess: That was the turning point, because I was on the sofa, and without going into too much detail… One of the ways he tried to kill me…

He was huge, he choked me twice unconscious on the sofa.

So I had three thoughts. One, that my parents would find my body here. Two, that my children wouldn’t have their mother. And three, that this isn’t fair, I didn’t get to do everything that I wanted to do.

It was the third thought that was the catalyst. That was what made me want to take my own life, after healing, and create something that was for me. To create the life of my dreams. And to do something that was gonna benefit my kids – I was gonna be happy.

I didn’t want to waste time, and I didn’t want to life my life for someone else. Now I wanted to live my life for me.

The scariest moment

Actually I was very fortunate, because he had stabbed me after I had regained consciousness. He had actually stabbed me in the head.

Me: In the head?!

Jess: He did, yeah. And I know it’s crazy and it was the scariest moment. I mean, the whole night was crazy. Crazy scary.

Me: Well it’s amazing that you survived!

Jess: Yes, but do you know what though Barbara? If you believe in it…I do… it was divine intervention.

Face to face with a knife

What happened was he had picked up the knife, it was a big stainless steel kitchen knife. He came towards me and he was 6, 6 feet 1 and 270 pounds at the time. Mostly muscle, a big guy. And I’m like 5 feet 4, 5 feet 5, a 140 pounds, 135 pounds.

He came to me, basically we were like face to face and he picked up the knife and I shut my eyes and I was hoping that it wasn’t going to hurt too much.

I was like ‘wow, this is the last scene I’m going to see before I die’.

And I shut my eyes and I squeezed my eyes so tight, and I was just braced for the knife. I felt the knife go in and out of my scalp really fast. It was really creepy.

All of a sudden he backed off. I tried to deflect the knife for one or two seconds and he backed off and I thought this was weird, I was just in so much shock.

After he had already punched me, after he had already broken a chair over me, after he’d choked me unconscious twice, and now he’d just stabbed me…my adrenaline was just pumping and all of a sudden he just stopped out of nowhere so I was in a huge state of shock. Then on top of that I was like ‘what the heck? What’s going on?’

So I actually thought he was going to go get…I knew that he had a gun in the house and I thought he was going to go get that.

Divine intervention

And it wasn’t till later that I realized when I talked to him that he has a rosary. Usually as you know you don’t wear rosaries. But he had his decked out in diamonds, and he made it fancy. So he was wearing his rosary at the time, and it snapped, it broke. He had owned it for years, maybe like 8 years up to that point or so. It broke, and he told me that’s what snapped him out of his rage, because when the rosary snapped it took him out of what he was doing to me and he was like ‘What the f am I doing?’

So I keep that piece with me to this day, I have it in my room. I’ve done talks when I’ve spoken in front of organizations and young girls, I’ve showed it to them. Because that’s what saved me. If the rosary hadn’t broken at the time, I don’t know whether I’d be here talking to you.

Me: Wow. Whoof!

Jess: Yeah.

Me: It’s such a powerful story that I’m kind of glued to my chair. I’m kind of like wow, where do you go…

Getting out fast

So how did you leave? Was it after that night that you just like left? Did you take your kids? Did you go somewhere?

Jess: So after he had left, I guess what he did was he left, he took off in one of our cars because we had two family cars. And as soon as I knew he was gone, I ran upstairs like a madwoman. This must have been like 3 in the morning so the kids were asleep. Thank goodness they didn’t wake up and they didn’t witness any of this.

I ran upstairs, they were all sleeping in one room and I grabbed them and I said “Hurry, hurry guys, we’ve gotta go, something bad happened”. And they were like, “What’s going on?” They were groggy…So I grabbed some blankets, some toys, I threw them in the car…And I literally just threw everyone and got myself out of there so fast, cause I thought he was gonna come back and that was my only way to escape.

At one point he said “Do you wanna leave?” And I knew that as a mother I wasn’t going to leave 3 kids at home. I didn’t think that he would harm them, but as a mother I needed to protect them and I needed to know that they would be OK.

So yes it was risky, I knew I was risking my life by staying, but heck, my kids! I grabbed them and I put them in the car, and we left. He didn’t come back.

Being brave, or a bit nuts

And I was scheduled to work that night. Two nights of the week I slept over there which was that night. It was crazy because I was trying to be tough, right? So I drove back there with the kids and I wrote a message to him as I was bleeding, saying “I’m so sorry I had to leave early, I’ll be back in the morning to finish working”. That was nuts!

I got back in the car and I drove to my employer’s place. So I was working as a caregiver and her son had hired me to take care of her. Two nights out of the week I slept there and it was that night.

I took the kids and I had some skin hanging off of my hand from one of the knife wounds and I looked at the kids and I was like, “Oh man, what am I gonna do now?” And I didn’t want to go to the police, I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I was afraid they were gonna take my kids away.

Me: Oh!

When even the police let you down

Jess: So the last time… I had moved from Ontario which is more on the eastern side of Canada from British Columbia which is on the west coast of Canada.

When I lived in British Columbia my husband had threatened me at one time in the past. He didn’t do anything but he said that he would kill me. And I had enough courage to go to the police back then.

And crazy enough Barbara, they said… I walked up with my two year old at the time and my son who was in a baby carrier. So I walked up the steps and I told them what happened. I said my husband threatened to kill me and it was a female police officer.

She said, “Do you have family in the city?” and I said, “Yeah”. Then she said, “Who is it?” and I said, “My uncle”. She said, “Here’s the phone” and she hands me the rotary phone and she says, “If you don’t call him right now and tell him what happened, I’m gonna have your kids taken away from you”.

Me: Oh my God! That’s awful!

Jess: And I thought… I had gathered so much courage to get to the police! Because in that lifestyle, you’re always trained to think of the police as someone that you’d never, ever speak to, you know, that’s a bad thing. But I had the courage to go there when he wasn’t home, and here she tells me this.

Hiding in the hospital

I bawled. I cried – and I thought, “If the police can’t help me, nobody can”. So that was the experience I had going into this situation. And I thought, “I can’t have my kids taken away from me”. So I was just looking at my wounds going, “Maybe I can get some bandages”.

I got some bandages and I was like, “No, this is not gonna work!” So I went to the hospital and I left my kids in the car, and I felt bad.

But I went in and I said, “You know, I got this wound from chopping vegetables” and she said “Right handed?” and I said “Yeah” and she said “Hmmm, tell me what really happened because you don’t hurt your right hand chopping vegetables with your right hand”.

Well she knew, and they’re trained to look for these things. I told her, and I told her I didn’t want to press charges. And it actually wasn’t until 3 months later that he got arrested, and it was because I was seeing a psychologist for some counseling to help me work through some things, and she was the one that said, “You know, just enquire at the police station what would happen if you wanted to report him. Don’t say you want to, just enquire”.

Me: That’s a good idea.

More guidance and help

Jess: So I drove my way to work one day, and him and I, we were… we thought we would work things out, and things were going okay. And I was like, “See you guys later, I’m gonna go to work now.”

Then on my way to work, something just took my hand. As if something just took my hand and made me turn the steering wheel the opposite way. I drove to the police station and I said, “Look, this is what happened to me. What would happen if I reported this?”

She comes back and she says, “Let me talk to my supervisor”. And she came back to the front and she said, “Now that the ball is dropped we have to go and arrest him”.

I freaked because I said, “You can’t arrest him. He’s going to come and kill me now!” And she said “I’m sorry, we have to go and get him. We have to bring him in”.

I said, “I’ve got kids, my kids are with him”. They promised that they wouldn’t see him getting arrested. Unfortunately my older daughter did see that and that’s traumatized her since.

The staying, leaving cycle…

So yeah, that’s how I got out of it. And the funny thing is with abuse – and I think this is an important conversation because there’s a lot of people who have gone through domestic abuse. Men and women. There’s a lot that don’t talk about it, or they don’t recognize it.

And I know that a lot of men and women, they go back to their abuser and then something happens, right? It’s that whole cycle of staying, leaving, staying, leaving. That’s what happened to me.

So even though he got arrested, I continued to see him for about 4 or 5 months after, going to the jail, saying that I would recant my statement. I would bring the kids to the jail and I would say “Let’s work this out” and I really did mean it.

Family men to the rescue

And then it wasn’t until I finally got to my lawyers and I told them what happened, and they were like “OK, from this day forward, you cannot go to the jail”. They told me, they shared their reasons that they saw my husband as not a good husband and not a good father.

This was coming from men that were family men. At the time I never had male role models to look to. So to have them say that, it put something in me where I was like, “Holy crap, maybe, maybe they’re right”. You know?

They made me promise, they said “If we’re going to work together, you cannot go back there”. And the guy that I was working for said “Look, you’ve started something, you need to finish it”.

So I was lucky that I had those pillars in my life to hold me to that, because left to my own devices, I would have just taken him out of jail, recanted my statement and I don’t know if I would be here today. And my life wouldn’t be where it’s at today. That’s how I got out of it.

Like I said, looking at my kids going “I can’t have them look at me as a role model and going back to an abusive situation”. And that catalyst, that moment I had on the sofa, right? Going ‘this isn’t fair, I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to do’. I’m taking the reins back on my life.

The healing begins

Me: And so you must have gone through quite a long process of…I don’t know, did you do counseling? What kinds of things did you do to start to, I guess sort of change your world view, or just you know, heal things in yourself to enable you to move forward?

Jess: So the psychologist that I was talking about, the police referred me to them because part of the victim services and I don’t know if they have that where you are. But they only allow 10 sessions with a psychologist and after that you have to pay and it’s really expensive.

So I thought any help I can get is awesome, and there was one group I had for mothers and children of abuse. Myself and my youngest two went, my oldest didn’t want to go. And after that, honestly it was mostly self work and that’s what really shot me into this world of spiritual enlightenment if you want to call it that.

I was never someone that I would have considered spiritual before this incident. And I’m grateful for what happened to me because it allowed me to really go deeper into myself and just ask myself.

Looking inside and pleasing yourself

You know, as I was healing physically, I had the time thank goodness to just heal. Like in a great spot with trees and the forest around me and animals. And I would just look outside every day and go “What would make me happy? What does Jessica want?” That was hard for me because I had lived my life for so many years trying to please somebody else. And I lost who I was, I lost my self expression. I was not allowed to talk to certain people, my friends and family were cut off, so I had to find me again.

And so like I said, most of it was work that I did by myself and on myself, and when I was ready, then I started to talk to some people and I started to network after I made the decision, “You know what? I’m going to start a business”.

I think that was about the time that I met you, you know, doing the whole raw food thing.

Me: Yeah, I remember, yeah.

A new career, and maybe a new man?

Jess: Yeah, because I became a raw food chef. Because I decided, “You know what? I’m going to go down to New York City, I’m going to train as a raw food chef”.

I came back and started a catering company here in Toronto and that’s pretty much the time when I had met you. And I thought I would continue my journey that way, and it wasn’t until this further journey, a couple of years went by that I said to myself…

I knew that I wanted a new love in my life, and what was funny was, and I know that you can relate to this as an entrepreneur because there are so many things on your plate…And I said to myself, “You know what? I want my business to get to a certain level before I start dating again”.

Me: That’s what I’ve said to myself! (laughs)

Jess: I was cool with that, but then I was like “Wait a second. I could be totally be cutting off the guy that’s made to be there in my life.” And when I made that decision, I just declared to the universe that I’m giving this up. If the guy is out there, so be it, I can work through this with my business at the same time”.

And really, like within the next two or three months, I met Michael!

Enter the relationship coach

Me: Wow! How did you guys meet?

Jess: So we met at a trade show. He was doing relationship coaching at the time for women, so he was helping women find a great partner. He still does some of that work as well, so he helps women find a really great partner and keep a really good relationship.

So he had just released his newest book at a women’s trade show in Toronto. I was walking between the aisles and I was like “I know you, I recognize this name from somewhere” and he said, “You do?” And we realized we both belonged to the same entrepreneurial group online.

But what was funny was he was in a relationship at the time and I was going into a relationship. So it was one of those like ‘here’s my business card’ and there was some attraction there and then there was no contact at all for 5 months.

Dating advice

And then one of my friends invited me to a concert that a friend was holding. I showed up early and Michael showed up, and I’m like, “What are you doing here?” So we didn’t know that we had the same mutual friends, but the universe is so funny how it works. But he showed up that night, and he was there with his girlfriend, he was waiting for his girlfriend but he came early and I came early, so we just started chatting.

And I shared with him where I was at, I was getting out of the relationship that I was previously in. I said, “I know you’re a relationship guy, here’s the deal, what’s up with this guy?”

He gave me some dating advice and he said “There’s nothing wrong with you, look, I do some matchmaking. Tell me what you’re looking for”. And I told him. Sneakily enough, I didn’t find out until later, he broke up with his girlfriend that same night!

Knowing what you want

So you know, we were Facebook messaging each other. And I said, “Well if I get too specific, here’s a general idea of what I’m looking for in a guy”. Then I said, “You know what? Scratch that, here’s my specifics”. And I went very specific, and I guess that on the other side he was like “Oh my goodness, this is me, I’d have everything!”

He didn’t tell me that, he said, “Awesome, I think I know someone for you. Can you meet me downtown for tea next week?” And I said, “Yeah, sure”. So we met and about an hour, an hour and a half talking, I said, “Where is this guy?” Because I was expecting this guy to show up. And he’s like, “OK so you know that guy I was telling you about? Yeah, it’s me!”

Me: Oh, it’s like something out of movie, out of a romcom, right?

Jess: Totally! And it wasn’t until that moment, until that day, that I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend back at the concert. Like once I know someone’s in a relationship, to me they’re categorized as off-limits.

Me: Yes, of course.

Jess: I didn’t think that, you know, that it was gonna be him at all. And when he got that he was like ‘My ex-girlfriend thinks you’re really pretty’. And I’m like ‘OK so the girl before this girl? I don’t get it’. He said ‘Oh, she’s no longer my girlfriend, we broke up’ and I’m like ‘Ohhh…’ and that’s when it totally clicked in.

Friends with benefits

So we started seeing each other just for sex and he knew I had needs and I wasn’t looking for anything serious right now so I was like, “Yeah, sure”. I had a couple of rules and one of them was ‘We don’t tell anyone about this’ so for like 5 or 6 months I would go to his house and I would leave the kids because I had kids at home and he doesn’t have kids. And I would drive 45 minutes each way just to go and have sex with him, twice, sometimes three times a week, and we would do this for 5 or 6 months.

Then of course feelings started to…We started talking more, and then one day he goes, “I know this is crazy, but do you want to go out on a date?” After like 5 or 6 months of sleeping together, ‘do you want to go out on a date’. And yeah, things just went from there, that was 2 and a half years ago and we’re getting married in a few months!

Me: That is so cool! You seriously have to…that has to be made into a movie, that just has to happen.

Jess: Well what’s funny about that is there’s actually a producer who heard about my story and he wants to make a movie out of my life, so maybe we’ll stick that in there.

Me: Yes! You have to stick that in there!

Forgiveness

Jess: Yeah, that’s where we’re at right now and life is just incredible. And see, the thing is after my husband tried to kill me, it took me some time but I forgave him and I got to verbalise that to him before he passed away.

He was impressed by my healing and my journey, and he was like “Wow, sweetheart I’m so happy for you, maybe one day you can help me get to where you are”.

Me: Oh wow. That must have been…How did you feel when he said that?

Jess: Just chills! And it was also because we met up, we weren’t talking to get back together. We met because he’s the father of my kids but there was no talk of us getting back together. So we had the best communication just before he died, funnily enough.

Should I stay or should I run?

After they released him from jail, after he got out of jail for what he did to me… Oh by the way I completely freaked out when he was released, I was ready to run. My mom said, “Look, if you need to run and hide, you just run and wherever you are, you just tell me where you are and you’re safe.” Like I was ready to take my kids in the car and just, like…

Honestly, Barbara, I was Googling things like ‘how to become a refugee in Australia’. I was looking for ways to escape Canada. And then I just came to the point where I was like, “If I start running now, I’m going to be running for the rest of my life”.

I had a friend who when I was attacked…she’s very spiritual and I wasn’t there yet. But she said to me, “Jessica, you just need to trust” and I said “No” and in my mind I was like “Are you f-ing crazy? Do you know who… He’s gonna come get me!” She grabbed my hand and she was like, “You just need to trust. You just need to trust”.

Giving up fear

And I totally didn’t understand that at all back then, and it wasn’t till later till I was just like, “I need to just trust, and everything is going to work out. The universe is going to support me. I don’t know how, but I just need to give up this fear that I have”. So I decided to stay in Canada.

The first conversation I had with him, it was the first time I’d talked to him since I’d left him in jail. Because he was livid when he found out that I’m not going to get him out of jail and recant my statement. I mean he was absolutely livid, he was ready to send someone to kill me. He told me this afterward, but luckily he had the time to just cool off.

So when he first got out of jail, I didn’t know how he was gonna react. I’m like, “This could be the worst mistake of my life or this could be the best thing”. And I just knew that the first conversation I had with him, I just had this huge feeling rush over me like ‘everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be good’. I can’t explain, it was just a knowing.

And things just blossomed from there. Like I said, not to get back together, we were going our own ways but we were in conversation so it was a big shock that his dad called me one day and just said, “I’m so sorry, he passed away this morning”. He wasn’t even sick.

A huge shock

Me: How did he die?

Jess: He died of an overdose, and they thought it was a heart attack because 95% of his arteries were blocked in his heart. But the toxicology report said that it was an overdose and he wasn’t someone to do drugs. I think what it looked like was some of the pills he was taking were laced with fentanyl, which is… There’s a huge problem in British Columbia with a lot of people dying from fentanyl. They’re lacing Fentanyl into other drugs currently.

So it was a huge shock, a huge shock. I was driving down the street in Toronto with my youngest daughter and I just collapsed. I had to get out of the car and I collapsed. Then I was screaming, like “Why!” And I had so much of this ‘you just left me here and I’ve got these 3 kids, but…

You know, I see signs of him all the time. So even though he did that to me, I still talk to him all the time. And I ask him to look after the kids and support them and look after me, and I know that he’s in a better place to be able to support me.

Me: That’s just what I was gonna say.

Taking responsibility to empower yourself

Jess: Yeah, totally. And the thing is, I could have gotten hung up on ‘I was abused, this happened to me…’ Trust me, I’ve had many more reasons than we’ve talked about here to keep myself in a place of victimhood and blaming everyone else. But instead what I did was take responsibility.

Even when before…you know, we didn’t get a chance to talk about gang rape, but in my younger years when I was gang-raped, I took responsibility for my part. Not to excuse them, but there was a certain responsibility that I had to take for myself, and the same thing with my husband.

So going back and taking responsibility in those areas really got me empowered, and then, you know, people encouraged me more and more to share my story. And the more I did, the more women would stand up and say ‘this has happened to me’. The more I did that, the more I realized that I have a powerful story to share. I can inspire others, hence this podcast.

From sharing to teaching to rocking out seminars!

And you know I’ve just realized that the raw food that I was doing before, it’s funny how the universe has its plans. It wasn’t until I met Michael and we were having this incredible sex… We had a lot of experience prior to meeting each other, but this was something different. One day he was joking around, he said, “You know, this is so great, we should teach this to people”. I said “Yes, we should!” And he’s like, “Really? Cause I was just kinda kidding”.

But within 5 months of that idea, we sold out our first event in Toronto and we just rocked it. It was amazing! And we have our 7th one coming up pretty soon here.

Me: And those are your Sensational Sex Seminars, right?

Jess: Exactly, yeah. Hopefully one day soon we can bring it to the UK.

Me: You have to bring it to the UK because I want to come!

Jess: Yeah!

The power of sexual energy

So what happened too was my sexual energy, when I was younger I always had this innate feeling of…I don’t know what you want to call it. I knew what sex was or sexual feelings before a child should even know what that stuff is. And I couldn’t put my finger on it as a kid, but as I got older, people would shame me and I would feel repressed. I felt like I had to shut off that side of me.

What I realized was I was cutting off my sexual energy and I completely lost that when I was married. Of course we had sex, but I wasn’t in the flow, I wasn’t embracing my feminine energy. I didn’t know about masculine and feminine energies and honoring them both within each of us, within myself and within my partner.

It was the gift that I got afterwards with being with Michael that I discovered how powerful sexual energy is. Because sex energy is how we all got here, it’s life energy. It runs every area of our life, it permeates into everything that we do, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we do business, it’s all sexual energy. If we can really tap into that, our life will be remarkably powerful. And that’s what I want to spread right now, because I regained my power, my real power, by tapping into, by reclaiming my sexual energy.

How to find Jessica

Me: Wow! Now I think there’s a lot of… I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there who would love to know how to do just that. So how do people find you? Because I know that you help a lot of women with precisely that, so where’s the best place for them to find you?

Jess: The best place right now would be to go to my website, so it’s www.jessicalouiseli.com and Louise is l-o-u-i-s-e and Li is l-i because some people ask, so jessicalouiseli dot com.

Me: Yeah, I’ll link to that in the show notes as well, so… Wow that is fantastic, and yes, you’ve got to bring the Sensational Sex Seminar to the UK so let me know what I can do to help make that happen!

Jess: Definitely! We’ll chat!

Me: Well, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast and for sharing your absolutely incredible story. I think the image of you with the broken rosary is going to stay in my mind for quite a while, that’s really something.

Jess: You’re welcome!

A great libido booster

Now I did mention at the beginning of this episode that I’d share with you a little food that I have a feeling you may not know can boost your libido – as well as one food that you definitely want to avoid.

So as far as aphrodisiacs go, you may be thinking chocolate, right? And yes, chocolate does have lots of substances that give us some feel-good chemicals, but most of us know that. I’m not going there.

The food that I’m talking about is…blackberries!

Benefits of blackberries

Yes, blackberries. Both the berries themselves as well as their seeds are great libido boosters, according to Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, who are the directors of the Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida. This is because blackberries are so rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants that they just have a very powerful effect on our wellbeing.

Blackberries have lots of other benefits – including helping to relieve PMS and hot flashes, helping with bone health, keeping your hair clean, helping prevent memory loss and loads more. In fact there are way too many benefits to list here, so I’ll link to an article in the show notes where you can read about it if you want to.

How you use blackberries

How do you eat blackberries? Well, this is easy. You pick up a big handful, about 10 berries, and that should do the trick! Or sprinkle them on cereal or a fruit pudding. Just don’t have them with dairy because dairy is another food that cuts our libido short. It’s very clogging, and we don’t want clogged bodies, right? We want everything to be working at its max efficiency!

Now blackberries are delicious on their own, but if you’d rather have them with a gorgeously tasty yet healthy dessert, I’ve got loads of recipes that would go really well with blackberries in my 5-minute dessert recipes ebook which I’ll link to below as well.

One of the top foods to avoid

Right, so I have to tell you one of the top foods to avoid. I can’t help it, especially because it’s famous for being an aphrodisiac. And that food is oysters!

Oysters are high in zinc which has been linked to the creation of hormones, but unfortunately oysters, like other bottom-feeders in the ocean, absorb a lot of toxins and parasites. And those toxins far outweigh any benefit you might get from the zinc. Oysters are not a love food, they are a toxic food!

So I hope you’ve enjoyed our story and our foodie tips!

Have YOU got a story to share?

And if you’ve got a true story to share (and you’d like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation), I’d love to hear from you!

Got a question, or a comment?

Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen ‘on the go’ in iTunes.

I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!

RESOURCES

Jessica’s website: www.JessicaLouiseLi.com

Article on foods that boost (and inhibit) libido: http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/libido-boosting-foods/?page=1

Benefits of blackberries: http://www.valuefood.info/1292/health-benefits-for-blackberries/

5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/

Picture of Jess for article on libido booster

Mom of three and former raw food chef, Jessica teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. She also helps couples deepen their intimacy and have rock star sex lives! Jessica has also coached business leaders and other high achievers in creating success that is far beyond what they thought was possible.

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